To say that a parent's attachment to his or her kids is strong may be a negative statement. Attachment is described as secure and insecure, so it is possible to have a strong attachment that is insecure. Insecure attachment descriptors reflect parental styles associated with the types of attachment: secure attachment with parental flexibility and stability, avoidant attachment with dismissive parenting, ambivalent attachment with preoccupied parents, and disorganized attachment with overwhelmed parents. Parental capacity is important to consider. Parental capacity can also change over time.

Avoidant attachment is reinforced from parental messages that emotions are not important in a child's self-identity and in making decisions. Thus, the child (and as an adult) may feel like he or she does not really matter. An avoidant person may even believe that emotions steer one into danger or disaster and are not to be trusted. So emotions are left out of daily interactions. It may be hard to comfort or connect with an avoidant person. A second type of avoidant attachment seeks to please a significant other and downgrade one's own needs because one can only accept emotions if they are not opposed by the significant other. This is a co-dependent relationship.

Ambivalent attachment patterns are derived from close connections that are not stable. The parent could be hot or cold. When cold, the parent may be preoccupied; it does not mean that the parent's love wavers. So fear may develop associated with closeness and connection, because closeness and connection could be lost. The child or adult in this case may crave intimacy but not want to ask for it. If intimacy does happen, this person may eventually find it stifling. The child or adult may then experience anger and would distance from the significant other, but then fear would overtake from being feeling alone. The pattern then becomes hot pursuit, but then cold distancing.

Disorganized or dysregulated attachment patterns stem from parents who are ruled by the "fight or flight" autonomic nervous system. Parents tend to be aggressive or controlling, stemming from fear. On the other hand, parents could be overwhelmed or a victim, again stemming from fear.

Secure attachments are stable patterns but do not have to be perfect. They stem from a parent's capacity at a particular place and time to recognize and value the emotions of a child, or to connect with what the child is doing. When the child comes to the parent, the parent in effect says to the child that the child is okay even when the child or parent is having negative emotions. The child is allowed to be separate from the parent, with the child's own set of valid emotions and self-confidence.

The author Dan Blair, LMFT, LCPC, NCPC is a marriage and family therapist, counselor, and divorce mediator with Blair Counseling and Mediation in Crystal Lake, Illinois.

We offer free articles on peaceful ways to resolve relationship issues to support life-long marriage and mimimize the harm from divorce through divorce mediation. We also address family and personal issues associated with depression, anxiety, anger management, and addiction. Call today to talk with a Christian counselor.

Parenting is tough work. And sometimes stress management for children becomes a much needed remedy for situations spiraling out of control. Tantrums often result from stressful situations and without a doubt, there are times when it's difficult to know who is in charge. In this day and age, children often have the upper hand on parents as the dutiful parents taxi the kids to school activities, sports practices and music lessons. In many families, the schedules center around the kids. So it is no wonder that kids can believe that they are the center of their own universe. And when something goes awry from what a child may have expected, there is an emotional outbreak. Stress management for children? For your own parenting sanity, here are three credos I learned from my parents and have since shared with my children.

Take Care of Your Stuff People are always giving stuff to children-toys, clothes, books, trinkets. By taking care of the items and protecting them from breakage, things will last longer. Stress management for children starts with being careful with one's possessions. They will last and by not breaking, there will be less frustration from them not working properly. Being able to manage one's possessions and keep things in order-including one's room-is an important step to staying organized, feeling less cluttered, being able to find things more easily and enjoying the working function of the items. Kids will look and feel better.

Realize that Things Don't Always Go Your Way In a perfect world, everything will go along as planned. There will be no bumps along the way. But when addressing stress management for children, you realize that the tantrum often follows the activity that didn't turn out as expected or the friend who didn't behave as expected. Teaching children to plan for an upcoming event is important, but it is just as important to make certain the kids learn to be ready for the unexpected turns and twists in life that happen. Learning how to adjust one's expectations and to adapt to changing situations can go a long way in helping your children enjoy a calmer and more enjoyable childhood.

Play Nice Things are much better when you play well with others. The third aspect of stress management for children includes teaching children to play well with others. Learning to take turns on the playground and share toys with others are important concepts for children. It is part of playing nice. Children can enjoy the moments without making judgments of others. Learning to respect others, even if they offer different viewpoints or have different skill sets is best learned at a young age. Playing nice is a skill that although learned young, is practiced well into adulthood, in the workplace, in boardrooms and with volunteer organizations.

Stress management strategies for children is really helpful in allowing them to develop healthy life skills. Parents can find their own sense of calm simply by offering this advice to their kids. I know that this advice has been helpful for me in raising my children.

Dr. Ann Gatty is a certified teacher, author, organizational strategist and personal consultant. She currently coaches online and face-to-face. From her teaching and organizational consulting experiences, she knows women, are seeking answers for creating a life balance and healthy stress-free lifestyle. Dr. Gatty hosts a website, http://www.stress-management-4-women.com/. Visit for advice on stress management for women in life transitions. Learn how to become stress-free, productive and happy! Download her FREE e-book, "Taking Control of the Daily Chaos," http://www.stress-management-4-women.com/life-transitions.html.

How are your parents teaching money to you? It may have been through your first piggy bank. Hopefully, you have been consistent in putting money into it. However there is a big difference between your piggy bank (money box) and a real bank and today I want to show you how a real bank works.

The first thing you need to know about a bank is that it is a place where people store their money. Unlike your money box, the banks will actually pay you for keeping your money with them. This payment is called interest. Each month banks will pay you a small percentage of interest which is determined by how much money you have in the bank. So in theory the more you have in the bank the more interest you will earn.

You're probably thinking this sounds good but why would they pay me just for storing my money there?

This leads to the second thing you need to know about a bank. They actually allow you and others to borrow money from them as well. They'll pay you to keep your money there so they can use that money to let other people borrow to purchase things they need. Let's say someone needs to buy a new house, they will come to the bank to borrow that money because most people can't afford to pay cash for the whole house. The bank will give them the money and they must pay it back. However when they pay it back they must pay back a little more than they borrowed, this is also known as interest. The difference in the interest is that the person who borrows the money will usually pay a higher interest, which will allow the bank to pay you for using your money.

Let me give you an example to help you. You have $10 and decide to open a savings account at The Children's Bank. The bank agrees to give you $1 for each month you keep your account open. At the same time Billy wants to buy a bike that costs $15 but he only has $10. Billy decides to borrow $5 from the bank to get the bike now. When it's time to pay back the bank instead of paying $5 he has to pay them back $7. This is how banks earn their money and are able to pay you interest every month.

To sum it up a bank is simply a place where money is stored and borrowed. You earn interest for keeping it there. The banks earn interest when people borrow it and pay it back. Remember the piggy bank is nice but it doesn't pay you for keeping your money there so if you haven't done so get out there and get your first savings account.

Looking for more ways to teach your kids about money? Visit http://www.moneytoolkits.com/ and claim your FREE copy of moneySMART$ emagazine written by Nicole Clemow and the team at Money Toolkits. Nicole is an international author and speaker on the subject of teaching kids about money and how to make it.

Is Getting A Job Valuable?

If you are 14 you may wondering whether or not you should get a job...

On one hand, you are still young and may not want to jump right into the workforce. On the other hand, you do want to learn great working habits at a young age, and have some pocket money to spend.

In my opinion, it is always beneficial to start working at a young age. You will learn responsibility and professionalism and set yourself up for a successful future. So, if I were to answer the question, I would say: yes! Go out and get a job!

How Do I Get The Job?
Now as a 14 year old, you will not be able to get a traditional job with most companies due to labor laws. However, you may be able to get "under the table" job. This includes job such as babysitting, lawn mowing, yard-work, house-sitting, etc.

Start by asking around your network of friends and family. Ask if anyone has any work they need. You will find that most people will be willing to help you out, and you can get started right away.

Once You Get The Job

Once you get the job, try your hardest to be responsible. Be on time, work hard, and always deliver results as you promise. You may make a few mistakes as you begin working, but you will find that if you focus on being the best you can be, you will begin learning valuable working skills at a young age.

How Much Should I Get Paid?

Since this will be your first step into the job world, you cannot expect to get paid a whole lot. However, you will find that there is possibility for a fairly substantial income, even with jobs as a 14 year old. For example, babysitting pays fairly well, roughly 10 to 20 dollars per hour. Lawn mowing is also not too shabby. The typical lawn mowing rate is around 20 to 30 dollars per lawn!

Why Do All This?

You may be wondering why you should jump into working at such a young age. You may think "shouldn't I milk not working as long as possible?"

Well, you certainly shouldn't be over working yourself, but with a little work you will find that you feel more satisfied with yourself, and that you feel very accomplished. This is a foundation that will help you for the rest of your life.

Oh, and you are getting some spending money too!

Good luck!

Visit Larkive for much more information on jobs for 14 year olds and other job searching tips.

My son has recently been diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. I have thought for some time that something was not right with him, but it didn't seem serious enough to take him to the doctor. He is now on medication. However, I'm not sure how to react to him any more. Should I punish him when he misbehaves, or is his behavior beyond his control? I don't want him to get away with things, but I don't want to be too hard on him if he's not responsible for his actions.

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a relatively new term for attention-deficit disorder (ADD), a condition that gained notoriety in the 1970s. The number of diagnosed cases of ADHD has increased dramatically, and there is some disagreement as to why. Some feel that our fast-paced society has contributed to the increase. Others feel that the condition has become popular, and more kids are being diagnosed because of the notoriety. Still others feel that our screening and diagnosis methods have improved, and we are detecting more cases. In reality, it may be a combination of these and other factors.

This condition is primarily a child and adolescent problem, but it can follow someone into adulthood. Most ADHD cases have symptoms that are noticeable in toddlers and small children, but most cases are diagnosed when the child is in elementary school. This is because the symptoms of being inattentive, hyperactive, or impulsive most often cause problems for the child when he is in a structured environment such as being required to sit in class, pay attention to the teacher and not talk until permission is granted.

This condition can be very frustrating for parents since the behaviors associated with this disorder are often seen as willful and disrespectful. Parents often react to the behaviors without regard for any underlying reason for the behavior. Consequently, diagnosis of this condition can often be a blessing when a medical prescription to control some of the symptoms is given.

A medical prescription can also be quite scary for parents. The most popular prescription for this condition has been under scrutiny for many years, and the results are still being debated. Short-term side-effects and long-term reactions are of concern to some, while others believe the medication works wonders. The key to medicate your child successfully is to talk extensively with your doctor and observe your child closely when he is introduced to the medicine. You should plan to follow up with your doctor on a regular basis and report any behavioral changes that you notice, both positive and negative. Your doctor may need to adjust the amount of medication your child receives and feedback from you is extremely important in this process. Contact your doctor immediately if you notice any adverse reactions.

While medication is often prescribed for ADHD, medications do not cure this problem. Medications are helpful in reducing the symptoms of hyperactivity, inattentiveness and impulsivity, but when the medication is stopped, the symptoms usually return. Behavioral interventions or modifications are usually warranted and often work best in combination with medications. Working with your child to help him adjust to his condition can often be more effective while the medication is used to reduce the symptoms. Behavioral changes are often quite involved and time consuming, but it is usually the only alternative to long-term medication.

A behavioral intervention or modification program should be developed that targets the specific condition you are trying to alter. For example, a child who is hyperactive needs interesting and challenging tasks that require relatively short periods of calm focused attention. He also needs specific periods of time in which he can be very involved in an activity that requires a lot of physical exertion such as riding a bike, roller-blade, or playing ball. A regimen that alternates the two types of activity will help teach him that there is a time for being calm and a time for being active. Increasing the amount of time that he spends on the inactive task will help him to gain better control of the hyperactivity. The active tasks allow him to focus his hyperactivity on interesting or productive tasks. It may take a while to see positive results from this process, but a long-term commitment to helping your child will be worth the investment.

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